And so, in a flash, I find myself writing on my seventh and penultimate (perhaps) official day of practicing Transcendental Breathing. Unfortunately, I still have lingering coughs. Probably, as I’m preparing my things for the move, I must have stirred up tons of dust, but all in all, I feel much better than yesterday.
This morning, as anticipated, I did the breathing as soon as I woke up. I was relaxed and fairly focused. I only had two interruptions for coughing fits in 40 minutes, and the breathing was deeper and more balanced. But the mind… the mind today wasn’t having it. Thoughts were convoluted and, if not negative, certainly not positive.
My mind wandered searching for a thought to latch onto without really finding one. I’d start thinking about the house, then I’d find myself thinking about work. Two minutes later, I’d be reflecting on failed relationships, and a minute after that, I’d be thinking about vacations I’d like to take and people I’d like to meet. Essentially, thoughts more confused than ever, and this started to generate a general sense of discomfort that left me uneasy.
Every now and then I managed to bring the mind back to the breath, and every time I did, I felt better and more at peace. But if I hadn’t persisted, I probably would have gotten up, grabbed the wooden bookshelf I’m dismantling in front of me, and started smashing wood with my hands out of the anger I felt (toward myself) for not being able to concentrate well.
Ah, if only I could exchange this mental confusion with the confusion I find in instruction manuals! Maybe I’d finally manage to dismantle that piece of furniture without having to ask for anyone’s help. But who knows, perhaps the real key is accepting the confusion and embracing the chaos as part of life’s journey.
I logically know they’re just emotions, there’s no one there judging me for it, and no one should ever judge themselves for not being perfect. But now I can say maybe I needed to get angry, maybe it’s just the beginning of an emotional breakthrough? Who knows? The bookshelf is still intact at my home, but I’m now very calm.
Well, maybe I should write a book: “The Adventures of a Confused Mind during Transcendental Breathing.” I could make a fortune! But for now, I’ll stick to dismantling the bookshelf and reflecting on the meaning of life.
Tune in tomorrow
Miss Adore
